The Mountains of the Moon

Mts of the Moon.html



He was alone. It was cold in the desert, the sun was setting behind the mountains, and he was naked. Night was coming on. The cold, white sand cut his feet. Above him in the darkening sky, the moon arose. It was a fearful sight, at once both familiar and alien. The face of the moon revealed continents. He thought he recognized one. Yes, that was Africa.

A man was walking toward him, across the dunes, down from the mountains, alone. He was tall and pale, a stranger, and yet somehow familiar, like Africa. He glowed in the setting sun, or perhaps it was an inner light. His face revealed continents; some that he recognized, others that were alien. Was this man his salvation, or his destruction? Was this man his enemy, or....

No. This man was his Beloved, come down from the Mountains of the Moon. He held out his arms and his Beloved entered them. They kissed in the glow of the Earthlight, under the continent of Africa. He cried out his lover's name, and...

Starsky cried out a name and reached across the bed for the one he loved. His hand touched only emptiness. He rubbed at his eyes and realized they were wet with tears. Only a dream, he thought. A silly dream. Walking on the Moon? Kissing some mysterious man? But he grabbed the pillow on the other side of the bed and hugged it until he fell asleep again. After Starsky was released from the hospital, Hutch had slept here with him for a time, and had used this pillow. It still smelled of Hutch's hair.

*************************************

"Well, don't you look like something the cat dragged in!"

"Thanks, Starsk. Didn't sleep much last night."

"What's wrong, Blondie? Or is something right? Have company over?"

"Nope."

"Okay. Nightmares?"

"Nope."

"Okay. Cat got your tongue?"

"Starsky, can we just drop it? Just couldn't sleep, that's all. No big deal. I'll get some sleep tonight for sure."

"Okay. Let's go to The Pits and get some coffee to go. Could use some myself. Then we need to interview that security guard at..."

"Starsk. I know who we have to interview, okay?"

"Hutch? What's wrong?"

"Sorry, Buddy. Not sleeping makes me grumpy. Didn't mean to take it out on you."

"Look, you can take out anything you want on me. I don't mind you when you're grumpy. But you look unhappy about something. Sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. I'm sure. Let's get that coffee."

"Coffee, coming up."

*********************************************

He was walking, alone. It was the desert, just at sunset and cold. No. It's not the desert, he thought. I'm walking on the Moon. I remember. Soon, the Earth will rise. Soon, He will come to me. My Beloved.

Off in the distance, the pale figure appeared. He seemed to float over the dunes, down from the Mountains of the Moon, his feet barely touching the cold, white sand, leaving only the faintest impression of footprints. But, as the Earth rose in the night sky of the Moon, the ghostly light filled the depressions, creating a silvery trail in the sand. A ribbon of Earthlight, over the Mountains of the Moon.

His Beloved was only a short distance away, when he stopped, and stood waiting, as if for a sign, some word or gesture. What was wrong? Had everything changed? They had kissed only last night, but who knows how much time had passed here, on the Moon.

"Don't you love me any more? Hutch?"

Starsky woke. His entire body was bathed in a cold sweat. He reached across the bed, but of course it was empty.

"What's wrong with me? I'm a grown man, a cop for God's sake.   I have a couple of strange dreams, and I turn into a little kid, calling out for my partner, and I know he isn't here. He's at home, sleeping. I hope."

Starsky reached for Hutch's pillow, again. The scent of his hair was faint, but it was there, enough to provide some comfort. That was why Starsky hadn't washed this particular pillow case in weeks.

******************************************

"Hutch?"

"Umm?"

"Get any sleep last night?"

"Why?"

"Wadaya mean, why? For God's sake, Hutch. You're my partner. I care about you. I depend on you. You need sleep to function, like everyone else. I'm worried. That's why."

"Oh."

Starsky sliced the Torino through two lanes of traffic, narrowly avoiding at least three different collisions, drove into an alley and screeched to a halt behind a dumpster.

"Now you listen to me, Partner. Enough with the one word answers, already. You got it? Did. You. Get. Any. Sleep. Last. Night. Tell me. Now!"

"No."

"Why not? What's wrong?"

"Starsk.."

"Don't 'Starsk' me. I've had it with all the... the evasions. You're starting to sound like a perp who's about to lawyer up.   Talk to me, Babe."

"I can't."

"You can't talk to me?   Me? Starsky? If you can't talk to me, who the Hell can you talk to? What's happening to us? Is the world ending, or what?"

"Starsky, I just have a... problem, that's all. I can handle it.   I'll get over it."

"A problem you can't talk to me about? Hutch. You can talk to me about anything. What's up?   You murder someone? I'll help you bury the body. Cover up all the evidence. Set up an alibi. Lie on the witness stand. You have gambling debts you can't pay? The Mafia's after you? I'll help you get the money somehow. We'll rob a bank, if all else fails. But don't come to me and say you can't tell me your troubles. Hutch! You're killing me here. Don't you know?"

"Starsky, it's nothing like that. It's just really... personal, and--"

"Personal? Personal? Hutch, we are really personal. Ya'know? I'm offended, Hutch. Really, really offended."

"Okay. Look. Why don't you come over to my place for dinner tonight. I'll, I'll t-try to explain. Okay? Please don't be mad. I'm just trying to s-spare you."

Starsky stared at his best friend.   Spare me, he thought. He wants to spare me. Spare me what?   Is he dying of some horrible disease? Oh, my God.   Hutch, don't worry, we'll find a cure. I'll take care of you, no matter how horrible it gets. I promise.

"Okay, Hutch," he said out loud. "I'll be there. Seven okay?"   

"Seven. Sure."

******************************************  

It was 6:55 PM when Starsky knocked at Hutch's door. He'd been sitting in the Torino for half an hour, getting up his nerve to go in. Hutch answered the door, looking pale and tired.

"Hutch. Look, forget about dinner. I'm not hungry. Let me put your mind at rest. Whatever's wrong we'll fix it. Let me..."

"Starsky, please shut up for a minute, okay? I need to tell you this, it's important. I picked up some Chinese food for dinner, wasn't up to cooking anything."

Starsky paced back and forth while Hutch got the food and dished it out.

"Here. Have some fried rice."

"I don't want fried rice. I want to talk. Look, I think I know what you're gonna say."

"Really? Starsky, I haven't wanted to lie to you, or anything. I know you hate that. It's just..."

"I know, I know. Look, we'll fight this. We'll find the best doctors in the world. No matter what the cost."

"St-Starsk?" Hutch had gone even paler, if that were possible.

"Hutch, don't worry. Maybe they told you there was no cure, huh? But we'll find a cure. I'm not gonna lose you to this."

"Starsky, I don't think there's a 'cure' for this. I don't really want to be 'cured'. That's not very..."

"Don't talk nonsense, Hutch. You can't just give up. Hafta stay positive, that's the most important thing. Don't let this destroy your will to live."

"Uh. Yeah. Look, Starsk. Maybe this conversation wasn't such a good idea..."

"Just tell me what the doctors said. Is it cancer, or...?"

"Cancer? No. Oh, good grief, I thought you meant... Starsky, will you just let me explain."

"It doesn't matter what it is.   I'm with you to the end. I love you. So just tell me what the problem is."

"Yeah, well, I've been trying to. I know you love me, Starsky. That is the problem, sort of. Be quiet. Let me finish. I love you, too.   More -- more than you know. I realized that after you, well, died, okay. And all those nights I slept in your bed after you came home, to keep you company? I realized just how much I really wanted to go on sleeping there. It --- it's been so hard to sleep alone, Starsk. This last week, I just haven't been able to sleep at all, I've been wanting so much to..."

"HUTCH!"

"What?"

"For Christ's sake, Hutch!   Did you hear a word I said to you this afternoon in the car? Did you hear me, Hutch?"

"Yeah. You were babbling some nonsense about hiding bodies and robbing banks. You'd never do those things, Starsky."

"For you, I would. Not for myself. Not for anyone else, but for you I would. And now you tell me, what? That you were embarrassed to tell me you wanted to sleep with me, because I'd... You thought I'd say no? Call you names and beat you up? Ask for a new partner? What'd you think I'd do, Hutch?"

"I thought you'd say yes, because you love me, and you'd do anything for me, and I couldn't stand that. I couldn't stand the thought of you sleeping with me out of pity."

"Pity? You think it would be pity? Christ, Hutch.  Who do you think you are? Who am I? I love you more than anyone on earth. You're the other half of my soul. I'd die for you. I'd kill for you. And you think that the only reason I'd make love to you was out of pity? Come here, you. Now!"

"Starsky?"

"I said to come here. There. Feel that? Now, you wanna fuck, we'll fuck. See? And I don't mean no pity fuck, neither."

Starsky pulled Hutch into his arms and breathed into his ear.   "Do you? Do you want to fuck, Hutch?"

Hutch pulled back so quickly he almost fell over. He was as white as a ghost walking on the moon, and his eyes were wild and dark. With fear? Was Hutch afraid of this? This sudden wild, fiery passion that came out of nowhere, shaking Starsky to his very roots?

"No. No, Starsky. That's not what I want. It's okay, Babe. I didn't mean for this to happen. Not ever. Look, I've got to leave. Now!"

"Leave? You can't leave. What are you doing? Hutch! This is your apartment, you idiot."

Starsky chased Hutch down the stairs, but when he got outside, there was no sign of his friend.  The streets looked as pale and empty as the mooonscape of his dreams. Starsky got into the Torino and drove around for several hours looking everywhere he could think of, but without finding Hutch. Hutch had left without his coat, and it was getting cold.

Starsky drove back to Hutch's apartment, but Hutch had not returned. The whole time he had searched, he had been cursing himself. What had happened here? What had that scene been about?   Had Starsky really mistaken Hutch's needs? Did Hutch only want friendship after all? When Hutch had said that he wanted to 'sleep' with Starsky, did he just mean sleep, for God's sake?

No. Starsky was sure about the implications of that little confession. The look in Hutch's eyes had been one clue. Hutch's insomnia was another. Why get all riled up over such a simple request to share a bed, something they'd done before? Hutch's eyes had darkened with passion when Starsky had touched him. Was that it? Had the passion frightened him? Or did he still not believe in Starsky's avowal?

Starsky gave up trying to figure out the eternal mystery of Hutch's psyche. He got undressed and crawled into Hutch's bed. That would show the moron that he meant what he said. Soon, he fell asleep.

*************************************

He was walking, alone. It was already dark, and the Earth had risen. The sand was cold on his naked feet, and he shivered, helplessly. He was alone, and there was no sign of his Beloved. But, stretching into the distance was the ghostly trail of his Beloved's footprints, leading into the Mountains of the Moon. He decided to follow.

It was a long, lonely walk, in the silent night. He could look up and see the continent of Africa, hanging above him in the sky. There was no wind, no sound of birdsong. Only Africa, shining down. Africa and the stars, distant suns.

All those suns, perhaps they had planets circling them, he thought. Perhaps people lived on them. And was there anyone, on any of those planets, who loved as he did? Were any of them walking naked toward the Mountains of the Moon to find their Beloved?

It had grown darker, for the Earth had set. Only the distant light of the stars lit his Beloved's footprints in the sands of the Moon. But Starsky continued to follow them, though he had grown so cold that he could scarcely move. A faint light appeared on the horizon.   Perhaps the sun was beginning its ascent. Perhaps it was nearly day, and the long night was over. As he gazed ahead, he saw the pale stranger, finally walking towards him. Starsky began to run.

"Beloved. Where have you been? Why are you so late, I've been looking for you all night."

His Beloved stopped and waited at the top of the hill, just as the sun rose over the Mountains of the Moon. The sun bathed his golden hair, and Starsky remembered that he had never seen him in sunlight.   He was beautiful.

"Are you afraid of me? Afraid of this? Of us? Don't be afraid, Beloved. I would never hurt you." Starsky held out his arms as he had the first night, but his Beloved didn't move towards him.

"Why are you here, in this cold forbidding place? There is no air, no warmth, no birdsong. Only sand, and the Mountains of the Moon. Why would you join me here? It's dangerous."

"Because you are here, Beloved. You are my air, my warmth, and my birdsong. Without you, I have none of those things. In the day, the sun turns your hair to spun gold, and at night we can kiss in the Earthlight, under the continent of Africa. It's enough for me."

"It's cold. You're naked and shivering. Come with me and I will warm you."

His Beloved led him to a cave, and drew him down into his warm bed. Their lips touched and then their naked bodies. A fire was building in Starsky that even the coldness of the Moon could not extinguish. When his Beloved entered him, there was no pain, only joy. A joy that could not possibly exist anywhere else in the universe, not among all the billions of stars he had seen tonight. He fell asleep, finally complete. He had found his Beloved, who would never again leave him to walk alone among the Mountains of the Moon.

"Starsky?"

He awoke, and opened his eyes.   Hutch stood in the doorway of the bedroom. He looked pale and cold and bewildered.

"Why are you still here? Starsk, I'm so tired."

"Then come to bed."

"No. Please, Starsky. You don't know what you're asking."

"The Hell I don't. I'm asking the man I love to come to bed. You must be half frozen, walking all night on the Moon like that."

"The Moon, Starsk?"

"It was cold there. Especially at night, after the Earth set. But then you led me to your cave, and warmed me."

"Yes. It was warm then. You remember, Starsky? You remember making love?"

"I remember everything. Come to bed and let me show you."

*******************************************

It was morning, and Hutch was finally asleep. The dimly lit bedroom was as private as their cave among the Mountains of the Moon. The Lover had found his Beloved. The long night was over.


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